An Introduction

Hi my name is *Lily, I’m 24 years old and I’ve had Bulimia Nervosa for just over 4 years.

I thought I’d start an honest blog regarding my reflections over the past 4 years as well as my journey towards recovery. It warms my heart to think that my words could potentially make someone feel better about their eating disorders or not feel quite so alone. As I think that’s where the issue stems from.

When you have a cold or you’re going to the dentist it’s easy to tell your friends, get help and recover. But my eating disorder has always made me feel like I’m completely alone and no one knows how I feel. I felt/feel shameful and disgusting and quite frankly embarrassed. I’m to this day mortified by my behavior and incredibly judgmental of myself. Yet I repeatedly make a conscience decision to buy large amounts of food, binge-eat then purge.

It has completely taken over my life and whilst it hasn’t’ destroyed my relationships and I’m luckily enough to not have had too many health problems it has still cast the most enormous shadow over my existence.

You must read this and think ‘four years! What were you thinking?’ but honestly the time has flown by. This is the problem. Because there were days where I ‘ate normally’ with relative ease I never really thought I had a problem. Until about 3 years into it I always thought I could stop if I truly wanted or if I fixed x, y and z in my life.

It wasn’t until recently that my life spiraled downwards and my Bulimia Nervosa completely took over my life. I felt that each day I lived purely to consume large quantities of food. It have me a high and made all the problems disappear from my life…. Until a few hours afterwards when I’d just feel worse, and then… guilty.

Over the years I’ve half heartedly attempted to ‘recover’ but it hasn’t been till the last month that I’ve made DRASTIC attempts to change. For one I’ve moved countries and moved back home with my mum to focus solely on it.

To someone that has never had a problem with eating I don’t think you can understand how hard it truly is.

But nevertheless I’m trying and here’s a blog with some of my thoughts.